Saturday, 27 September 2014

CIPA Congress 2-3 October 2014

21 September 2014

I must finish my VeePee speech for Congress.  Have you any idea how hard it is to write something serious and statesmanlike, when you normally only do comedy patent specs and secret diaries?  And when your children are shouting at you in the background about personal statements and Minecraft mods and after-school detentions?  My brain hurts so much that bits of straw are coming out.

I decide I will talk about how wonderful CIPA is, because if you say things often enough, apparently, they come true.  Caramel custard tart.  Caramel custard tart.  Caramel custard tart.

And then I will say something about what I see on the horizon for the IP world.  Because someone with my vision and perspicacity owes it to the profession to share her great wisdom, and one day people may be glad that I warned them.  I will warn them about business advisors taking over our jobs, and no-one caring about split infinitives any more.  I will warn them about doom and gloom and awful things like folk using IP as a commercial tool instead of an excuse to argue about etymology.

And pirates, of course.  There be pirates on the horizon pretty much all the time doon ’yur in the Wess Curntry.  Our members need to know about these things.

I was hoping for a standing ovation for my speech, but sadly I am on immediately before lunch.  Nobody gets a standing ovation just before a soup course.  Even if they do a Morris dance in the middle and warn about pirates ahoy.

In the end the Minecraft mod is too distracting anyway.  I start writing about zombies instead of pirates, and my son meanwhile applies to university with a personal statement full of split infinitives and gloom.  It is time to sweep up the straw and call it a day.

Besides which, three caramel custard tarts have just appeared on my desk and clearly need attending to.  I take this as a good omen.  Statesmanlike or not, I think I am going to enjoy this Congress.

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