Friday, 5 December 2014
I want to be able to find my socks
17 November 2014
I am in London again. Deep joy! This time it is not CIPA business, or at least I don’t think it is CIPA business though I do seem to be losing track of appointments these days and it is entirely possible that I am indeed here on CIPA business but have forgotten to do it. I will ask Gary, Mr Davies’s PA. Gary will know.
Anyway, the main thing is that I am in a hotel and I am feeling grumpy. Because no matter how posh your hotel in London these days, it will never, ever be decently lit. When I arrive mid-afternoon, I find four beautiful macaroons awaiting me on the coffee table. By the time the sun has set, I am struggling to find my own socks. The lighting is what a more charitable person might call “subdued”, but let’s be blunt about this, it is actually just inadequate. Several wall lamps generate the combined wattage of five birthday cake candles, but have been covered in lamp shades to reduce the five candles to two. There is a kind of jaundiced glow to the corners of the room where these lamps lurk. But they do not lurk anywhere near where I might have put my socks.
I do not want macaroons. I want to be able to find my socks. I want to be able to check in a mirror whether I have accidentally put my gloves on my feet instead. But when I look in the mirror all I see is a depressed, yellow fuzz. And though I accept that being VeePee is bound to make me a tad depressed, and also that I’m undeniably getting old and fuzzy, surely even an old person doesn’t need to look that yellow?