Le posh French meal avec les Black Book Pixies

26 November 2014, 8 pm

Once again I appear to be stuffing my face in the pursuit of CIPA business.  We are at Le Posh French Restaurant qui est just down le road from CIPA.  We are saying thank you to the Black Book Pixies for all their hard work on the 7^th Edition and all the hard work we are hoping they will do on the 8^th Edition.  Because the Black Book does not appear at the publisher’s overnight; it takes whole shedfuls of work to compile.  And this year it is going to be even harder to write because the Chief Black Book Pixie has told everyone to write it shorter.  Apparently it is supposed to fit on a book shelf, not to be a piece of furniture in its own right.

The Black Book Pixies ask whether I might be able to contribute to the 8^th Edition.  I do not think that would be a good idea, in view of my somewhat wayward literary style.  However, I say, maybe I could attempt a brief summary of each section, to lure the reader in.  For example:

Section 1(2)        This section is about patenting software.  Dream on.

Section 55           This section is about Crown Use.  From it you will learn that the Government can do whatever it wants.  You may have known this already.

Section 76           This section is about amending a patent application.  Basically, you can’t.  Forget it.  Make a cup of tea instead.

Section 125         This section is about how to interpret a patent claim.  Only the courts can really decide this, so you can advise whatever you like so long as you have insurance.  Claim construction involves looking at the prior art, looking at the alleged infringement, checking whose side you are on (eg with reference to recent invoices) and then making something up.

Section 60           This section is about infringement.  If you do not know this by now, you are reading the wrong book.  Have a cup of tea.  Have a career change.

During le posh meal we raise a few toasts, or as the French would say, pains grillés.  We pain grillé The Queen, who I’m sure is a big fan of the Black Book.  Then we pain grillé past editors and contributors.  And then I stand up, which is not straightforward since I am completely stuffed with le posh French pudding, qui est very similar d’un Instant Whip® mais avec les fancy bits sur le top, and mumble a few thank yous of my own.  “Thanks guys,” I say.  “Yeah… thanks.”  I cannot think of anything more so, unusually in the context, I sit back down again.  Everyone looks relieved.