Thursday, 8 January 2015

Student induction day #2

8 December 2014, 3 pm

The induction day progresses in style.  A speaker fails to arrive on time, the IT equipment doesn’t work and the laptop keeps sending me pop-up messages in the middle of my presentations.

Laptop: I am about to shut down.  Would you like to postpone? 

Me: No, that’s fine, don’t mind me; shutting down mid-presentation is a super idea and would you like to reconfigure yourself while you’re at it?  Of course I want to postpone!! 

[Five minutes later.]

Laptop: I have some new software for you. 

Me: Yippee.  Go away. 

[Two minutes later.]

Laptop: I still have some new software for you.  Click here to instal. 

Me: No.  Thank you.  Really.  Can I get on with my presentation now?

[One minute later.]

Laptop: Installing new software.  Would you like to postpone? 

Me: Listen, I don’t care if you have a whole new operating system to instal!  Yes, I would like to postpone.  Indefinitely.  [Pause.]  Where have you put my presentation?

Laptop: I have encountered an unexpected problem and have had to stop working.

Me: WHAT??!!!

Laptop: Actually it was not that unexpected.  I encountered the same thing yesterday.

Me: Yes but–

Laptop: And the day before.

Me: But what about my–

Laptop: Would you like me to send you an error report?

To add insult to injury, one of our speakers begins his talk about stress in the workplace with a story about some commuters stuck on a delayed train.  This is not tactful.  Then he explains that one of the symptoms of stress is irritability.  On reflection, perhaps it was a little rash of me to hurl the laptop at him.

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