Tuesday, 9 June 2015

Fragile & motley at Airport Security

1 May 2015, 12.30 pm

I am in a taxi back to Glasgow airport, with Team CIPA.  Team CIPA is feeling a little bit fragile this morning.  Apparently this is because the drinks in Glasgow clubs are very cheap, and not at all to do with the fact that they therefore consumed too many. 

I wonder if anyone filmed the action at the club last night.  I am thinking a clip of Mr Lampert doing his dad-dancing (for which he is justifiably famous) would be a great addition to the diversity videos. 

In the taxi, we empty our bags to see how many paracetamol we have between us.  Luckily we have quite a few.  I also have some fragranced hand wipes and a bag that may or may not be sufficiently leak-proof but might just serve to protect the upholstery.

We arrive at Airport Security.  Forgive my digression, but Airport Security is completely bananas these days.  Not only do I have to find a separate plastic crate for every one of my electronic devices, including the ones that are asleep and have been for days; I also have to remove my boots, my jewellery, all but the very last layer of clothing and anything that might have been holding me together, for example belts and braces, pins and Blu-tack(R).  There appears to be an obsession with liquids, whether intended for systemic or topical use, in vivo or in vitro, and to help with this there is a large poster at the entrance to Security saying “What is a Liquid?”, just in case the wetness and flowingness and general not-wanting-to-assume-its-own-shapeness of a liquid had passed you by up till now.

We clearly look a motley crew because the CIPA folk get their bags searched and swabbed.  Honestly, I ought not to be seen out with these people.  I am a Potential Pee-to-Be.  I have to uphold my dignity.  Although without the pins and the Blu-tack, upholding anything is going to be tricky.

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