Friday, 12 June 2015

Planning ahead

7 May 2015

The CIPA cocktail menu (for when we install a bar and a dance floor):

IP-ina Colada – white rum; coconut cream; pineapple juice; served with a maraschino cherry and a non-disclosure agreement.

The Main Claim – a beverage comprising a mixture of two or more alcoholic liquids, optionally with one or more additional flavourings, characterised in that the beverage has an unfeasibly frivolous appearance.

International Liaisons – a beverage according to claim 1, wherein the two or more alcoholic liquids are selected from the group consisting of sake, schnapps, ouzo, sangria, tequila, grappa, vodka made from things you really ought not to make vodka from but have a surfeit of, and other suspicious-looking foreign liquids, provided that if the suspicious-looking foreign liquid is Australian lager, the beverage is not served with a maraschino cherry.

El Presidente – 3 shots of gin; tons of ice; a drop of tonic; preferably in a glass but straight from the bottle will do.

El Presidente non-alcoholic version – unavailable.

Mr Davies’ Dream – 2 shots of cheap whisky; half a pint of coke; 2 more shots of cheap whisky; Southern Comfort® if available; definitely worth tweeting about.

Council Collins – precisely-punctuated gin-based cocktail; recipe still the subject of lengthy discussion; unlikely to be the most exciting thing you drink this year.

Wess Curntry Wayfarer – 2 ml 100% proof apple juice; half a pint of murky water; straw (note: plural not singular); a funny smell.

The Article 123 – from 1 to 5, for example from 2 to 4, such as 2 or 3 or 4, shots rum, in particular white rum, or dark rum, or a mixture of white and dark rum; from 1 to 4, for example from 2 to 4, such as 2 or 3 or 4, shots fruit-flavoured brandy, for example selected from the group consisting of cherry, apricot, peach, pear and apple brandy, more particularly from the group consisting of apricot, peach and pear brandy, for example apricot brandy or peach brandy or pear brandy; from 1 to 10, for example… oh don’t bother, let’s have a beer instead.

Congress on the Beach – vodka; peach schnapps; cranberry juice; orange juice; sand; quantities TBC.

Approved Regulator – sours; bitters; ice; no garnish.

Black Book – vodka; coffee liqueur; served in a 10-pint jug with supplement to follow.

The Second Medical Use – tequila; rum; vodka; bourbon; for use in the treatment of claim-specific hyperpedantic disorder.

Poisonous Priorities – port; coffee cream liqueur; Red Bull®; raw egg; spinach juice.

Battle of the Bands – anything you like, but 7 of them.  All doubles.

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