Tuesday, 7 October 2014
Empty nests & burnt granola
4 October 2014
My eldest daughter leaves for university. I am supposed to suffer from empty nest syndrome. But actually the nest is far from empty; it is still full of all the rubbish she was told to clear out a month ago.
She is hoping that the Tidying-Up Pixies will visit whilst she’s busy pretending to do a degree. Personally I would rather it were the Environmental Health Pixies. They will need industrial tools to deal with some of this mess.
I have been led to believe that Proper Mothers hold their children’s hands all the way to their first hall of residence, and make their beds for them and leave home-baked goodies and freshly-laundered clothes before waving a tearful goodbye. The reality, in our family, is that I am off doing CIPA-related things on the day she leaves; that she will do her own laundry like she always does, or if she doesn’t then she will smell and make no friends; and that I know there is no point making the bed because she will only go and sleep in it and if the bed-linen has to last a whole term it is probably better left in its packaging. I do however send her off with a tub of home-made slightly-burnt granola, which is just about all I know how to make.
Anyway she will be staying within ten minutes’ walk of Paddington station. She thinks this may be good because when I come to London on CIPA business I will be able to call in and take her out for dinner. What she doesn’t know is that I will be calling in and asking to kip on her floor instead of in a cheapskate CIPA-sanctioned hotel with a pocket-sized bar of soap and a bedroom only just big enough to hold it.
I suspect Proper Mothers do not ask to kip on their daughters’ floors for the night. And I confess to being a tad worried about what I will find there. Slightly-burnt granola, for a start.