Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Lost in Cardiff

16 October 2014, 10.30 am

The EyePeePee, Mr Davies and I are going to meet some patent attorneys in Cardiff.  It is gig number two of our Grand Tour.  We decide we will walk from where we are now to where we need to be because the map makes it look very easy.  It turns out to be a stupid map and because of the stupid map we get a little bit hideously lost.  The long straight pink thing on the stupid map is actually a long straight flyover which has an air about it of not being adapted for pedestrians.

At last we find a tourist information map.  Yay!  Our joy is short-lived, however, because the You Are Here arrow is in the top left corner.  Which, forgive my bluntness, means that this is basically a map of somewhere-you-are-on-the-edge-of.  The somewhere-we-want-to-be is not on the map at all.

In emergency situations like this, it is important for the team to function effectively.  But none of us is prepared to be Project Manager because of what happens on The Apprentice.  So we divide the work thus: the EyePeePee finds our destination on Google® Maps and leads us off down a tow path into someone’s back garden.  I phone the patent attorneys we are supposed to be visiting and apologise for being on a tow path and not in their meeting room.  And Mr Davies deals with sending tweets.  To make sure that everyone knows that CIPA’s EyePeePee and VeePee cannot even lead an expedition to Cardiff Bay let alone a Chartered Institute.

Our hosts are very understanding.  When we arrive, they offer us Welsh cakes and 60 different varieties of tea, not one of which is normal enough for Mr Davies.  He is an ex-plumber and plumbers are not used to having breakfast tea with essence of lychee, any more than they would want quinoa with their eggs.

We ask our hosts what they think of CIPA.  They say CIPA is alright; would you like another Welsh cake?  We say but what about the webinars, and the Journal, and Congress, and Mr Lampert’s wizzy e-newsletter with the light bulbs at the top?  They say, yeah, these things are alright too; do have another Welsh cake. 

The Welsh cakes are more than alright; they are perfect after our route march through Cardiff this morning.  Mr Davies is alright too, despite having to drink tea with essence of alpine buttercups: he has found someone to talk to about dartboards.  Patented dartboards, no less.  Everyone is happy.

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