Friday, 22 May 2015

Sherpa Groups & dodgy videos

21 April 2015

I have called a teleconference of the diversity task force leaders.  These are the poor unfortunates who’ve agreed to wear extra sparkly blue tights and red underpants, and to lead the four strands of work we’re doing to improve diversity.  The meeting involves me asking the others what they’ve done in their individual working groups so far, whilst not actually admitting that I haven’t done anything myself.  This is a high-level management technique known as “pulling all the strands together”.  Shortly I will draw myself an Over-Arching Roadmap, like there is for the UPC, so that I can see who is doing what whilst I’m busy doing nothing.

I have heard it said that these days, working groups are called “Sherpa Groups”, by the people who sit above them drawing over-arching roadmaps.  I understand this is something to do with the fact that Sherpas do most of the hard work.  But it is also because Sherpas know where they are going and can get there on their own without interference from upper management, thank you.

The key thing that is happening at the moment – and it is happening Very Fast because the Informals are involved and they don’t hang around – is that we are recording some video clips about how great it is in the IP professions.  We are going to include lots of people from lots of different backgrounds, to show the next generation how open and inclusive the IP professions are, even to ragamuffins like the EyePeePee or straw-shedding numpties like me.

We are going to make the videos all rough and blurred and shaky, which is partly so that they will appeal to Youngsters and partly because it is cheaper that way; you can use your mate’s smartphone in the pub after work.  For the time being we are overlooking the bit in the Code of Conduct about preserving the dignity and good standing of the IP professions.  And let’s face it once we let Diversity in, and all those black transgender women from inner city prison schools, there will be very little dignity and good standing left to preserve.  We will have to rewrite the Code of Conduct to say:

  1. Just turn up to work every now and then, OK?
  2. And don’t nick things from your client.
  3. Or at least not without issuing an invoice.
  4. And if you do nick things, keep them in a separate client account.
  5. Try to tell the truth, especially if you are leaking stuff on social media.  (Guidance note: truth is stuff that more than two of your mates agree with.)
  6. The rest is up to you, innit?

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